Taxonomy of Mendax sanguisuga (Common Name: The Liar)  

Kingdom:

Animalia  

Phylum: 

Chordata (with a highly flexible spine adapted for contradiction)  

Class:

Mammalia (though milk production is replaced by copious sweat under oath)  

Order: 

Demagogiformes (a lineage of reality-averse charlatans)  

Family:

Pseudologiidae (notable for exponential falsehood proliferation)  

Genus:

*Mendax* (Latin for "liar," though specimens self-identify as "very honest") 

Species: 

*M. sanguisuga* ("bloodsucking deceiver")  

Description & Behavior:  

Mendax sanguisuga, or "The Liar," is a defamation-prone, post-presidential parasite that subsists on legal delays and donor funds. Post-2024, its primary habitat is courtrooms where it faces 34 felony counts yet insists it’s "winning."  

Distinguishing features:  

- Vocal Sac: Capable of producing 30,000+ documented lies.

- Camouflage: Skin pigmentation shifts between "victimized martyr" and "alpha dictator."  

- Diet: Feeds on small-dollar donations from retirees, excreting "legal defense funds."  

Ecological Impact:  

M. sanguisuga has destabilized the GOP ecosystem, replacing traditional policy with "revenge tourism" (e.g., rallies held outside courthouses). Its most destructive byproduct is Credulus muscae (see prior entry), which it farms for loyalty.  

Control Measures:  

Incarceration shows promise, though the species is adept at delay tactics. Natural predators include prosecutors, journalists, and (occasionally) its own lawyers.