Taxonomy of Delirus sanguisuga (Common Name: Angular Box Leech)

*** Photo of the Angular Box Leech in the wild coming soon!

Kingdom:

Animalia

Phylum:

Chordata (though nerve cord appears disconnected from higher brain functions)

Class:

Mammalia (questionable - exhibits echolocation-like ability to detect "globalist" vibrations)

Order:

Insania (a clade specializing in reality detachment and persecution complexes)

Family:

Ludicridae (organisms thriving on absurdity and stochastic terrorism)

Genus:

Delirus (Latin for "deranged," referencing both her worldview and hair bleaching patterns)

Species:

D. sanguisuga (a bloodsucker that feeds on fear and Facebook memes)

Description & Behavior:

Delirus sanguisuga, commonly known as the "Angular Box Leech," is a geometric anomaly in the political ecosystem. With her tinfoil hat antennae and Butch Body Gym camouflage, she navigates the world through a prism of conspiracy theories and performative aggression. Her rigid, triangular morphology allows for maximum edge while minimizing actual substance.

Key Adaptations:

• Cognitive Dissonance Exoskeleton: Impervious shell deflects facts, logic, and basic human decency
• Jawless Feeding: Absorbs nutrients through constant grievance-mongering and victimhood osmosis
• Bilateral Asymmetry: Left side screams about pedophile rings while right side blocks legislation to help actual children

Ecological Impact:

Destabilizes the political food chain by introducing toxic misinformation into the ecosystem. Primary habitats include:

• School board meetings (where she's banned)
• 4chan threads (where she's revered)
• CSPAN broadcasts (where she's muted)

Control Measures:

• Bright Light Exposure: Shrinks from sunlight and fact-checking
• Natural Predators: Librarians, journalists, and anyone with a high school science education
• Repellents: Basic civics textbooks (effective range: 500 yards)

Laboratory Notes:

Specimen demonstrates remarkable resistance to shame, logic, and consequences. Proceed with extreme caution - may attempt to "dox" researchers. Recommend handling with tongs and a strong internet filter.