
Delirus sanguisuga - Angular Box Leech
Share
Taxonomy of Delirus sanguisuga (Common Name: Angular Box Leech)
*** Photo of the Angular Box Leech in the wild coming soon!
Kingdom:
Animalia
Phylum:
Chordata (though nerve cord appears disconnected from higher brain functions)
Class:
Mammalia (questionable - exhibits echolocation-like ability to detect "globalist" vibrations)
Order:
Insania (a clade specializing in reality detachment and persecution complexes)
Family:
Ludicridae (organisms thriving on absurdity and stochastic terrorism)
Genus:
Delirus (Latin for "deranged," referencing both her worldview and hair bleaching patterns)
Species:
D. sanguisuga (a bloodsucker that feeds on fear and Facebook memes)
Description & Behavior:
Delirus sanguisuga, commonly known as the "Angular Box Leech," is a geometric anomaly in the political ecosystem. With her tinfoil hat antennae and Butch Body Gym camouflage, she navigates the world through a prism of conspiracy theories and performative aggression. Her rigid, triangular morphology allows for maximum edge while minimizing actual substance.
Key Adaptations:
- Cognitive Dissonance Exoskeleton: Impervious shell deflects facts, logic, and basic human decency
- Jawless Feeding: Absorbs nutrients through constant grievance-mongering and victimhood osmosis
- Bilateral Asymmetry: Left side screams about pedophile rings while right side blocks legislation to help actual children
Ecological Impact:
Destabilizes the political food chain by introducing toxic misinformation into the ecosystem. Primary habitats include:
- School board meetings (where she's banned)
- 4chan threads (where she's revered)
- CSPAN broadcasts (where she's muted)
Control Measures:
- Bright Light Exposure: Shrinks from sunlight and fact-checking
- Natural Predators: Librarians, journalists, and anyone with a high school science education
- Repellents: Basic civics textbooks (effective range: 500 yards)
Laboratory Notes:
Specimen demonstrates remarkable resistance to shame, logic, and consequences. Proceed with extreme caution - may attempt to "dox" researchers. Recommend handling with tongs and a strong internet filter.