
Coccinella servilis - The Bootlicker Beetle
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Taxonomy of Coccinella servilis (Common Name: Bootlicker Beetle)

*** Photo of the Bootlicker Beetle in the wild coming soon!
Kingdom:
Animalia
Phylum:
Arthropoda (though exoskeleton is suspiciously flexible when powerful men are nearby)
Class:
Insecta (despite exhibiting vertebrate-levels of spinelessness)
Order:
Coleoptera (subgroup: *Asskisserae*)
Family:
Coccinellidae (ladybugs, though this specimen has traded its spots for brown-nosing stains)
Genus:
Coccinella (ladybug, but with all dignity removed)
Species:
C. servilis (Latin for "servile," perfect for a pet insect that lives only to please its masters)
Description & Behavior:
Coccinella servilis, the "Bootlicker Beetle," is a delicate, overly sensitive insect whose sole survival strategy involves humping furniture for attention before scurrying behind Elon or Trump for protection. Its bright, ladybug-like coloration is a warning sign—not of toxicity, but of unbearable neediness.
Key Adaptations:
- Opportunistic Metamorphosis: Can shapeshift from "serious intellectual" to "couch-fucking gremlin" in seconds when elites are watching.
- Defensive Cowering: When threatened, emits high-pitched tweets about "the elites" while hiding inTrump’s pocket.
- Mating Display: Dry-humps any inanimate object if it means getting a pat on the head from Trump.
Ecological Impact:
- Pollinates nothing but right-wing egos.
- Primary habitat: The inside of Elon’s spaceship fantasies and Trump’s legal defense funds.
- Leaves behind a trail of abandoned principles and awkward couch stains.
Control Measures:
- Accountability Light: Shrivels under direct questioning.
- Natural Predators: Journalists who read his old tweets, actual working-class voters.
- Repellents: A single history book (paralyzes him for days).